He lives! all glory to His name!...life changing realization.

wow. i wish there were words for what i feel right now.

enlightened.

surprised.

happy.

encouraged.

humbled.

overwhelmed.

clarity.

anxious.

gratitude.

unworthiness.

numbered.

useful.

loved.

loving.

love.

the past few days i have been slowly putting some pieces together. i have been feeling as if things are building up. like. okay examples. i want to really work on my spanish, improve a lot. so i am registered in a class that started last week, that i love. i got a libro de mormon to study. i got another book to read on my free time to study. i live with a spanish family who would love to practice with me. i am on the verge of just attacking this goal. but that's it. is just the verge.

another. i have been wanting to really take control of the physical half of my soul. i have already established a habit of writing down all i eat for over a month now. i am back in brussels for a good while. lots of new dance, gyms, and workout programs are just starting up. i have been looking into tons of them, trying to make my own fitness program and mentality. i'm on the edge, but just haven't wrapped my head around it.

i have been dealing with a really silly issue that has made me realize JUST how impatient and selfish i have become. how i have been misusing my time and energy often.

but it just hit me. all of these things on the edge. i know why i haven't felt that final push.

i wasn't doing them for the right reasons. and i feel like i really just understood something vitally important.

"...His Atonement...it is vital that we each learn what we can about it. The Atonement is that essential ingredient of our Father in Heaven’s plan of happiness."

i realized. my life. its not mine. its not for me. i am made to be like Him. to live as He lives. to become just like Him. all of MY plans. all of what I want. they mean nothing if i am not focused solely on Him.

"Your understanding of the Atonement and the insight it provides for your life will greatly enhance your productive use of all of the knowledge, experience, and skills you acquire in mortal life."